Day 25: Jaw cramps

This process is turning out to be quite a long one. Especially at first, time moved at a snail's pace. Not only that, but it was very difficult and moving at a snail's pace. During the first few days, mainly Thursday-Sunday, I just kept thinking "Why did I do this? Why did I do this? This was so stupid." And really, at that point, it's not really a productive thing to be thinking. I had been watching a lot of the Office. Like, a lot a lot, and this one quote from season 5 kept me sane during this time. It's right after Pam and Michael left Dunder Mifflin to start the Michael Scott Paper Company, and Pam is upset and regretting her decision to leave the established company for Michael's. And Michael responds as such:  

Michael: I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, 'kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That's what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
Pam: Yeah.
Michael: So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or... that's it. That's our only option. Because we quit.

And that was really helpful to me. Because I had the surgery. I can't take that back. I can't get off the roller coaster. I can only do what I can do now. I've been feeling that way a little recently, too, as the process unfolds and shows itself to be a long and difficult one. I often feel like I want to stay in a safe little comfort bubble where all my decisions are safe and reversible. But that's really not the way life works. So I just have to tell myself "You know what kiddo, you quit. So what are your options?" And usually, there's at least one thing I can do to make my situation a little more bearable, if I concentrate my energy on that instead of lamenting "Why me?"

Sorry to get all philosophical, I guess I just wanted to say, if you ever are in a difficult situation, which I consider this to me for me, sometimes it's helpful to have a mantra or a focus thought so you can remember where it's good to put your energy at that moment, and where it's really just not that helpful. Even if it is just a stupid quote from the Office.

I had enough energy today to ride my bike to Mike and Charles's (about 10 minutes each way), so I was encouraged by that. I think besides my face (obviously),and the eating stuff, which obviously leads to a limited caloric intake, my body is almost back to normal. The only other side effect I've been feeling is a little bit more trouble controlling my emotions, which I think is just a byproduct of being out of my comfort zone.

Also, the part of my cheeks right by my nose, the bottom left and upper right corners of my mouth, and a large part of the left side of my chin is still numb. Dr. Voorhees said not to worry, it sometimes takes 3 months for full feeling to come back, and the law of averages is on my side when it comes to all my feeling coming back.

And the reason for my blog title is that these stupid rubber bands are really making my jaws cramp, but I've been using the heating pad my mom got me and relaxing them as much as possible to allow them to shift over. I hope all this pays off!

p.s. Hook 'Em!